


Vignette

by halleson37



Series: Taking Pictures [2]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: 5 chapters?, Alternate Universe - Photographer, Dom/sub, Fetish, Hope you like this, Ian's POV, M/M, Model Ian, Photographer Mickey, Photography, Stripper Ian, Wow, hopefully, im doing this, second installment, sorry Cherry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2018-11-20 22:00:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11343954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halleson37/pseuds/halleson37
Summary: Ian's POV following the events of Photosynthesis, so read that first.( http://archiveofourown.org/works/11216499/chapters/25058667 )Ian is loving being a model; Mickey's and his work becoming quickly well known, but at the same time Ian can't always get out of his own head...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WOW! actually doing this…Don’t actually have a plan on how this one is going to end, but gonna try and keep it 5 chapters like the last. Hope you like what’s happening in Ian’s mind. <3

Ian counted his tips from that night as he sat on the small twin bed in what used to be Mickey’s spare room. It was a decent amount for a weeknight and he was pleased, shoving it in the hiding place in his dresser where he had been collecting cash. _An actual savings._ He laid back on the bed than, looking up at the ceiling. There was so much he loved and hated about his new life in Austin. It had been months now and each day he reviled in how far he had come in this city, farther than any of the other places he had spent short bits of time in. He was a featured model in more than one gallery, bringing in a nice amount of cash so he could cut down on his hours stripping, not to mention no more hand jobs in the back; and Mickey made him smile each and every day. But that was not to say things where still not shitty, like he didn’t get high on the messed-up chemicals in his brain, or even worse, low. Or the fact that he missed his family like hell, having not even talked to them since he skipped out on Chicago for the umpteenth time. They had called, texted, emailed, _of course._ But Ian could not bring himself to take the step and reciprocate. He was relishing in this new life, a good life for the most part and wanted to be stable, really stable, _for sure_ before he made the step to contact people from back home.

A knock came on his door than, it was late but Ian sat up, “come in” he said, tired from his night of dancing. The door was pulled open and there stood Mickey, bright eyed with a classic Mick smile on his face. “When you get home? There is food in the fridge if you are hungry” he offered. Mickey had been so kind to him, more than kind. And each day he knew Mickey was falling for him harder and harder. Not to mention at this point Ian let the brunette put him in any position he wanted; whether that was in the bedroom or on set. He knew he was leading him on in a way. He liked the guy to, really liked him. But Ian knew he would not stay in this city forever and didn’t want to get super attached, but sadly, in the back of his head, he knew he was in love with Mickey. Like when the guy would kiss him softly, tell him how beautiful he is, sooth his aching skin after a night of rough play, or just make him fucking pancakes. Ian was head over heels for the guy, just like he knew Mickey was for him. But he kept a step back. Like choosing to sleep in the spare room most nights instead of Mickey’s bed. Or like now, not saying hello when he arrived home.

“Just tried, long night” Ian said, giving Mickey a small smile. “Okay, no problem, try and get some sleep than” Mickey said back, exiting the room, and slowly closing the door. Ian laid back then, already in sweatpants for the night. He shut off the light and closed his eyes. But after a while of his mind racing he opened them again, it had only been a half hour. He huffed, getting up and going to the kitchen to grab some water. As he sipped at it leaning against the counter his mind pictured Mickey in his queen bed, warm and soft. He really tried not to sleep in the same bed as him, it only brought them closer emotionally, but at the same time he always slept better with the guy next to him. Listening to his calm breathing, feeling his warm skin, it calmed Ian’s ever racing mind, made him feel at peace. He gulped down the rest of the water and made his way quietly to the end of the hall and Mickey’s bedroom. He opened the door, the lights where off and Mickey was seeming asleep. Ian tiptoed his way over to the bed, pulling back the blankets as gracefully as he could and sliding in. Mickey stirred some, turning, and before he could be startled Ian announced his presence. “Just me, couldn’t sleep” he said, placing his hand on Mickey’s bare shoulder. “’Mmh’k” Mickey said half asleep, scooting forward to press their bodies together. The feeling of Mickeys slow heartbeat immediately calmed Ian’s nerves. He closed his eyes and focused on the beautiful boy next to him, letting sleep take him easily this time.

*

The sun was shining through the slats in the blinds, casting a lovely low light over the pale skin of Mickey’s back as the boy slept on his stomach. Ian had not been up for long, but he had been taking the time to just look at Mickey, like the dark-haired boy did with him so often through a camera lens. He loved the various photo shoots he had done with Mickey, each one seeming better than the next. No matter the leather or spandex he was wearing, or the butt plug up his ass Mickey made him feel safe and sexy with each picture. Not only where the shoots fun, but he loved seeing how Mickey would truly shine when he had a camera in his hand. The looks he would get when he was focused on only him, making the scene look perfect. The joy he would get when they would look over the pictures afterword, each pointing out their favorites, which was more often than not the same. “Hey” Ian said softly, moving forward to wrap an arm around Mickey’s back, his morning wood pressing into Mickey’s hip, _all very intentional._ Mickey mumbled, the cute morning mumble that made him smile. “Morning” He said, thrusting his hips forward some to let Mickey know it was time to get up. “Let me sleep” Mickey said, pulling away from Ian and throwing a pillow over his head. Ian laughed a little. “C’mon, horny” he said, pulling the pillow off of Mickey’s face and mounting his lap, forcing the older boy to look up at him and wake the fuck up. “Fuck you, 20 more minutes than you can get your rocks off” Mickey said, putting a hand over his eyes, but he thrusted his hips up into Ian. “That so?” Ian said rolling his eyes and leaning down to press his lips to Mickey’s once before slowly slinking down the body below him. A blowjob always got Mickey up.

He heard Mickey let out a low moan as Ian pulled down his boxers, stroking his semi into hull hardness as he pressed tender kisses to Mick’s hip bone. Mickey bucked his hips up some, and Ian complied, wrapping his lips around the perfect cock at his mouth. He loved Mickey’s taste almost as much as he loved the guys face, and well, _everything else._ He let his tongue work lazily on instinct, bobbing his head like he knew Mickey liked, letting his tongue dip into the slit just before he popped off with a dirty wet noise. “Well don’t stop” Mickey said from above him, a hand tangling in Ian’s hair. Ian smiled, kissing his way back up Mickey’s body until their mouths where pressed together in a slow sloppy morning kiss. Ian tasted every inch of Mickey’s mouth like the first time, he loved everything about it really, he sweetness mixed with yesterday’s cigarette. Ian let the brunette flip them over, both boys on their sides as Ian pulled Mickey into him, grinding their pelvises together, letting a little moan leave his pulp lips into Mickey’s. “Wanna fuck you” Ian said as Mickey latched onto his neck, his hands finding the hair Mickey had seemingly been letting grow out. Ian felt Mickey quiver with his words and he knew he was in. He flipped Mickey over onto his stomach, pulling his boxers off completely to admire that perfect pale ass he had gotten too know. Mickey liked to be in control most of the time when it came to sex, and at first it was weird for Ian. He had never experienced being dominated like that, even though most of the time he was still the top. But he had grown to really like it. It made him feel at peace in a way he had never been before. It was yet another thing about Mickey that calmed his racing and fucked up brain, made him only experience physical touch and pleasure with pain, made him feel like he was floating.  This morning however it was clear Mickey was goanna be a lazy fuck and Ian would be doing all the work, but he was okay with that.

He took his time in prepping Mickey with lubed up fingers, enjoying every little whimper he got out of his “dom.” And once he finally pushed into him he just stayed there for a little while despite Mickeys protest with both words and his body. “Feel so tight and warm” Ian said as he just slowly wiggled back and forth balls deep. “Mhmm, now get to moving.” Mickey complained, and Ian only laughed, slowly thrusting into him from behind, working ever so slowly up to a faster pace, enjoying each little clench around him, and each breath leaving both boys mouths. “Right there” he heard Mickey say as he angled purposefully, he knew where Mickey’s g-spot was at this point, but he liked to tease when Mickey was like this. From then on it didn’t take long until Mickey was finishing onto the bed sheets and Ian into the condom.

“Gotta get over to May’s” Mickey said as he hopped off the bed as soon as Ian let him, insisting on at least a little making out before he would let Mickey go shower. “Sold another one?” Ian said with a smile. Five pictures of him had gone up only a week ago at May’s Gallery, each one featured Ian in a black studded leather harness and matching bottoms that didn’t cover anything, rather framing his ass and dick. In the photos, he was also laying on dark red sheets with tall while candles flickering all around. It was a very gothic themed shoot Mickey had insisted on, and course Ian had gone along, knowing Mickey would make him look great no matter what. And _guess what?_ He did look great and three of the five had already sold, and now apparently another one. “Yeah, gotta go collect” Mickey said strolling off to the bathroom completely nude, Ian not feeling bad about watching his ass.

As Mickey made his run to the gallery after a quick, and mostly silence breakfast Ian took some time to just relax on the couch, contemplating calling his family. He was happy, and had a steady income doing something he loved. He liked Austin and could see himself staying at least another year, at least until his and Mickey’s photos got big enough to be seen around the country, maybe even featured in a fetish magazine. That would be exciting. He should really call them, let them know he was okay. But it was hard for him to pick up the phone. As much as he thought about his past life, it was hard to face it in the daylight. Hard to face that he had a life outside of his own head, outside of those dirty photos, outside of Mickey’s bed. Ian was in his own world, even if his mind would drift to places he didn’t like, or want, and contacting his family would be like jumping out of this new-found comfort zone of being a stranger to the people of Austin. He liked being a stranger, even if Mickey was slowly weaving his way in. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGST alert! Also, I have included photos at the bottom again. I could not find any good ones with dudes, so sexy ladies will have to do, so like…vagina and boob warning in the photos. But that is how I pictured Ian being displayed.

Ian watched as Mickey adjusted his red/grey tie in the bathroom mirror, visibly struggling. He waited, knowing well enough that Mickey didn’t like help to often. But after he could just see the guys face getting increasingly red and angry Ian could not take it anymore. “Let me do that” he said, quickly moving next to Mickey, and making him turn so he could fix the damn tie. Mickey grunted his disapproval but let him fix the tie in no time, tucking it into his suit jacket. Mickey looked amazing. He wore a classic black suit, maroon button down and dark red and grey tie. His broad shoulders and chest stood out, and the dark colors with his pale skin made his quoft hair just seem beautiful. He had been visibly growing it out, and now there was enough Ian could easily hold onto it, it was _hot_ to say the least. The sides where shorter and the top was almost a swooping Mohawk.  Ian tilted his head admiring the well put together, and professional looking man in front of him. Ian in contrast wore a blue suit, with a light blue almost white shirt, and purple tie. His hair was shorter, he had recently cut it for a shoot, the one that was being featured at The Pink Pig, _tonight._ “I feel like I’m in a fucking box wearing this” Mickey complained, pulling slightly at his collar. “Well you look great” Ian said pulling away his hand and giving him a smile.

Tonight, was a big night for the both boys. It was Mickey’s first night with an opening gallery, and well, Ian was the model so it was just as big a deal for him. The set featured 10 photos, and they had been blown up to fit the big white walls of the front of the gallery, being the only thing you saw when walking into the joint. There would be a lot of perspective buyers at the opening, not to mention critics and people in the business. It was a great chance for both of them to get their name’s out there and Ian was excited, while also nervous. A whole shit tone of people would he looking at his naked body, splayed in various compromised positions, and he was unsure how ready he was to see people inspecting him so closely like he knew they would be. But Mickey, well Mickey seemed to be freaking out more. Ian was somewhat used to being in front of a crowd, but Mickey seemingly liked to stay in the background, be the guy behind the camera. But tonight, he would need to put on a smile and interact with people, that was the only way to become more successful. “Gonna be awesome” Ian assured, inspecting himself once more before exiting the bathroom, Mickey close behind him.

“Boys!” Andrew greeted them as they made their way into The Pink Pig, everything was being set up still and the show didn’t start for another half hour. Ian saw Mickey roll his eyes, and he bumped his shoulder, Mickey huffed a little and greeted Andrew back. Ian than gave him a big smile. “Everything looks great” he said looking around at the pictures of himself. It was _surreal_ , to see yourself like that, and in a way Ian didn’t feel like they were actually pictures of him. He remembered the shoot, and the way Mickey had carefully tied the ropes around him, made him comfortable, practically worshiped his body. But seeing himself like that was like looking at a stranger. In a way it made it easier, less personal, more like a job rather than the intimate situation the photo shoot had been and the pictures displayed.

As the night went on, there was local “upcoming artist” media person who interview the both of them, and took a pictured of them next to one of the tamer photos, explaining that they were going to be featured on the website. Ian was excited, it was weird to think so many people would know his name just from some photos. Additionally, closer to the end of the night, after a few drinks Ian found himself talking to another fetish photographer, Peter. Peter was handsome and seeming just a couple years older than Ian, and at least to him they had been getting off to a good start. “You are gorgeous, truly” Peter said after introducing himself. Ian just smiled meekly and blushed a little, he had gotten a lot of compliments tonight, but this one seemed more genuine, like there was actual interest behind it rather than something you had to say. “Thanks, it’s been a lot of fun” Ian said back. And before he knew it he had Peters card in his suit pocket and a promise to meet him later in the week to talk over doing a shoot. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the fact that Ian knew he was capable of being selfish, but it didn’t bother him that he would be taking photos with someone other than Mickey. Peter was a nice guy after all, and it was a _job_. It’s not like Mickey was the only one who could photograph him. But in a small place in Ian, the same place that felt bad about leaving his family when he just couldn’t deal, or making rash decisions purely on emotion, Ian did feel bad at least a little about accepting the offer.

“Made a lot of fuckin money” Mickey told him at the end of the night as people where leaving. Almost every picture had a “sold” label on it and both boys could not help but smile at their victory. It was yet again strange to know that these photos of him, ones where he was tied up, dick out, would just be hanging in people’s homes, for them to view whenever. Ian tried to brush that part past himself. It made him feel self-conscious, almost embarrassed. _Job, work, money_ , he told himself when the uneasiness came over him as he watched Andrew put yet another “sold” sticker over a photo and shake an old man’s hand. “Yeah, looks like it” Ian said turning his attention to Mickey. At this point the raven-haired boy had his jacket unbuttoned and his tie was loose. He was visibly also tipsy, not to add tired looking. Ian had watched amazed and proud as Mickey talked to practically everyone who came up to him, even smiling and laughing when appropriate. He was only a dick to one guy, and he totally deserved it. “Proud of you” Ian said placing a hand between Mickey’s shoulder blades. At the touch, he could feel the man relax more. “You too” Mickey said, giving him a smile than a lip bite, yet another classic Mick face. “Ready to go home?” Ian asked, because he sure was. He was tipsy himself not to mention beat from smiling and chatting for hours. Mickey nodded. They called an Uber considering their drunkenness and said their goodbyes and thank yous to the remaining staff at The Pink Pig, Mickey briefly discussing payment with Andrew before the boys made their way onto the sidewalk.

“Went well” Mickey said leaning against him, and Ian happily took the extra weight, leaning over to take the cigarette out of Mickey’s lips and bringing it to his own. “Hey” Mickey said, mock annoyed, but Ian just leaned over and kissed him, passing the cigarette back after taking his own puff. They waited in silence, the touch of Mickey leaning against him grounding after such a long night, it made him feel safe, and like he had someone. As they got into the car, Mickey leaned over and pressed their lips together. It was a slow and almost sweet kiss that Ian reciprocated with the same gentleness. Tonight had been big for them, life changing almost and Ian could feel it in the air, feel it when Mickey pressed a hand to the side of his face, feel it when Mickey’s lips parted against his. “I think I love you” Mickey said, almost a whisper when he pulled away, blue eyes hooded. Ian was in shock, _had he heard him right?_ It had been almost 3 months since Ian moved in, three months they had gotten to know each other. But still, Mickey barely knew him. He knew that he was from Chicago, had a big family, had left. He knew his favorite foods by now as well, and where he liked to be touched, but _still_ Ian had kept part of himself distanced. Distanced enough that he was still a stranger to the man next to him. On contrast Mickey had told him most things about his life, _hell_ Ian had met his damn sister and learned about growing up with an abusive and homophobic parent. And Mickey didn’t even know if Ian had parents, and he didn’t ask. So how could anyone, especially the boy he had tried to hold back on for fear of this _love him?_ Ian just stared blankly, the back of the car spinning around him, blue eyes fixed on him awaiting an answer; but after a minuet, Ian was still unable to say anything. Did he love Mickey back? He didn’t think so, at least not yet. He sure did love things about him; like his love of photography, the passion he had for art. The way he would talk to the TV, or cook Ian breakfast. He loved the way Mickey would nuzzle his neck, and kiss him with lust. He loved the man’s voice, hell he loved most things about him. But _this?_ Being _in love_ with him was too much for Ian. Too close, too real, too personal, too soon.

“Just drunk, forget about it” Mickey mumbled, braking Ian’s train of racing thoughts. He blinked, before nodding slowly and leaning forward to kiss Mickey again, but Mickey only allowed a brief peck before the shorter man was looking out the window, leaving Ian to just stare, and wonder if he loved Mickey, and if Mickey _was_ just drunk. He didn’t think so, he had seen Mickey wasted, and right now he was tipsy at best. But Ian was not going to be the one to bring that up, so he just gave him a quick glance, before looking out his own window.

After discarding his suit clothes Ian made his way into the bathroom, clad in only boxers. Mickey was by the sink brushing his teeth. Ian just waited patiently, unsure if he should say anything. Mickey had a neutral, if not stern look on his face, but refused to make eye contract after a brief connection in the mirror. “Night” Mickey said after he was done, walking past Ian without further words or gestures. Ian wanted to reach out, he really did. Kiss Mickey goodnight, go craw into bed with him. He could tell the other man was upset, even if Mick didn’t want to let that on. But Ian had stayed distanced on purpose, _didn’t he?_ He heard Mickey’s door slam shut and could not help the nauseous feeling that sank to his stomach.

Their relationship had never been finalized, but they were in one. Boyfriends, though the word had never been said. And now, well now Ian felt stuck. He wanted to love Mickey back, at least he thought he did. But as he got under the sheets that night, unable to sleep he was scared, scared of hurting Mickey, though he already had. He was also scared of saying it back, scared of opening up, scared of being in love; because after all he was a Gallagher, selfish. But that was the only way to survive, you had to look out for yourself. At least Ian told himself that as he tossed and turned, desperately wanting to go crawl into Mickey’s bigger bed, feel him, smell him, have his soft sleeping breaths sooth the shaking in Ian’s limbs. But he couldn’t, so he just looked up at the ceiling, feeling fucked up and alone like he had most nights of his life before he met Mickey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if my dislike of canon!Ian is coming through too strong..oops.   
> Also here is the link to the blog where I got the pictures, I really like Jesse Flanagan's work. http://jesseflanagan.com/


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I did not plan for this chapter to get so dark…but it did. So for a warning, Non-con, drug use and vomiting (what a combo) ….i’m sorry, it's gonna pick up, I promise.

Ian was confused when he first awoke the next morning. He didn’t know where he was a as he looked up at the popcorn ceiling, panic radiating through him for a few moments before his conscious brain took in the surrounding, _his room, Mickey’s spare room._ His chest felt tight and his head hurt. He fell back onto his pillow, his chest rising and falling with speed as last night’s events flashed into focus. He recalled the gallery opening with fondness, and talking with Peter and other people. But as a disappointed and upset Mickey entered his mind he felt sick. _What does he say? I’m sorry I don’t love you?_ It all seemed like whatever he said would not matter, Mickey had said what he said because he meant it. Ian made his way out of his room and to the bathroom. The apartment was quiet, and either Mickey was not home or still sleeping. Ian took a chance and peaked into the older boy’s room, _nothing._ And when he made his way into the kitchen and living room aria the same went. Normally Mickey would leave him a note, or even coffee, but there was nothing, no sign at all. Ian huffed, his head still pounding as he plopped onto the couch and flipped on the TV.

He checked his phone to find he had a couple voice males from perspective photographers or people wanting to Interview him, _he did not have the energy_ for that now, so he just made a mental note to get back to people later. As he stared at the TV all he could picture was Mickey however. He felt bad, he truly did. But he could not help his feelings, he had stayed distanced, it was not his doing? And even worse, Ian did not know how to make it better. He was never one to be good at that, fixing situations. Instead he fled. Turned on his heels and ran away from his problems, only to return just as fucked up like nothing had changed…just like his mother. Ian blinked hard, he was _not_ Monica. He was his own person.

He tried to stay busy as the day went on with no sight or sound of Mickey. He did all the dishes, swept the floors, even cleaned the shower, and by the time the sun began to set he realized he had not eaten, but that it was time to head to the club. He reluctantly ate a yogurt even though he was not hungry, shrugging on his backpack and heading to work.

As the night drifted on at the club, he got multiple notices from people who had seen the gallery, or heard of it. It made him uncomfortable to say the least. He liked being Curtis at the club, not Ian. Being a stripper was all about a mystery, and that mystery was broken by the fact that these guys knew who he really was. But as he took his brake one of the guys was doing coke, and Ian could not resist with the night he was having. It helped, if not made him feel on fire. He danced with no care in the world after the hit, more than happily obliging to dancing and talking of his modeling. He knew deep down that sober him would not approve, but high him wanted to have fun, wanted to forget himself, forget what he had fucked up with Mickey.

“Hey handsome!” Ian heard over his shoulder as he was just leaving from yet another lap dance. He turned a big smile on his face to see Peter, his smile in his high state only growing bigger with the familiar face. “Hey, not bad yourself” he remarked, swaying his hips as he sauntered over into Peters personal space, the man not seemingly minding. “Didn’t know you worked here” Peter said with a white toothed smile. “Do what pays the bills” Ian said, continuing to sway his hips to the music as he danced almost chest to chest with Peter. “That so?” Peter said with what Ian could not mistake for curiosity as he tilted his head at Ian, swaying himself to the music, but lesser so. “Mhmm” Ian said, his high still going strong. “$20 gets you a dance” he finished, biting his lip in a way that normally got the money shoved into his tiny shorts. “How much for more?” Peter said, leaning close to talk right in Ian’s ear. His breath hitched, but not in a good way. He had stopped doing that as soon as he could, and with how well his modeling was doing he was planning to quit stripping soon. But he was high and only wanted to chance the buzz, and Peter looked like a guy who carried around drugs. Ian swung his long arms over Peters shoulders, the guy about equal height to him, if not heavier set with his age, maybe mid-thirties. “Depends what you have up your sleeves.” He smirked, continuing with his best sexy act. “What you lookin to score?” Peter said, wrapping his arms around Ian’s bare waist. Ian leaned forward, pressing his lips to Peters ear. “Somethin white an powdery” he said, nipping lightly at the man’s ear lobe. He felt him shiver and nod. Ian simultaneously lighting up and dredging that his indications where correct. In the moment he loved being high, loved floating and forgetting, only feeling good. But his rational side, the side that told him to man up call his family, apologize to Mickey, hated what he was doing, but was not strong enough to stop him.

Before he knew it he was in a small private room with Peter, the music still pounding but quitter. Peter took a seat on the red leather couch, pulling out a little baggie and credit card. Ian watched, standing close and keeping his swaying motion. Peter cut them both a line, doing his own before motioning for Ian to join in. _He did._ The burn was quickly taken over by blow pupils and the feeling of invincibility. “Fuck” he said wiping his nose and tipping his head back onto the couch where he sat. “Good shit” Peter said, placing a hand on his thigh. Ian wanted to push it away, but felt like he couldn’t. “Yeah” He said, blinking to try and focus his mind some to the situation, but before he could really think about It Peters hands where on his bare chest, pushing him down onto the couch. The last thing Ian wanted was sex with a stranger, he only wanted sex with Mickey, but he had just lead this guy on and used his drugs, so with reluctance he made an offer, “let me suck you off, eh?” _At least that was better than getting fucked._ A wild smile grew on Peters face, a face Ian never wanted to see again after this. But he used the messed-up part of his brain to push that away and put on a sexy and interested persona. Peter leaned off him and Ian sank to the floor, unzipping the guys jeans, and pulling out his already hard penis. The sight made Ian feel sick at first, but he took in a breath. “Mind if I do another line?” He asked, turning to where the coke was still spread out on the glass coffee table right behind him. “Whatever you want petty boy” Peter said, tangling a hand in Ian’s hair. He tried not to shiver at the unfamiliar fingers, and quickly inhaled the powder, it clouding his brain enough that he could get on with this mess he had gotten himself into.

After the act was over and Peter was going on his own way Ian ran to the bathroom, quickly throwing up twice. A mix of the one yogurt he had eaten hours ago and the cum he had just swallowed. He heaved multiple times after, his whole body feeling wreaked even with his lasting high. He felt himself fall to the dirty cold tile of the club bathroom floor, but he was unable to stand up. _He did this, made the decision. Fuck, he got naked for a living, what did he expect?_ But he felt dirty and used, wrong in all sorts of ways.  He had exchanged sex acts for favors before, but he never felt like this after, and he only wished it had been a nightmare and that he would wake up in Mickey’s bed. He also felt like he cheated, cheated on Mickey. _Made everything even fucking worse._ He wanted to cry, wanted to scream and curse but the drugs in his system where not allowing it, so he just laid on the bathroom floor, unaware of how long he was there until someone was pounding on the stall door. “You okay?” he heard as he stood, bracing himself against the stall door as he willed his legs to work and get him up. He unlocked the door and stepped out, feeling like the vomit he had just produced. “You look like shit, you alright buddy?” The guy said but Ian ignored him, making his way to the back of the club to find his clothes. His shift was not over but he didn’t care, he needed to fucking leave, now.

 _Step, step, this left, step, step._ He whispered it as he made his way down the street in the direction of the apartment, at least he thought he was going in the right direction, and he must have been because his hand shook as he tried to get the stupid key in the door, but it would not go, it would not _FUCKING_ do what he wanted because his hand was shaking so much, and has he looked down at it to try and focused on the stupid simple task his vison was blurry with tears. “Fuck” He said to himself, dropping the key to the floor slamming his head against the wooded door, the tears falling down his face now in succession.

“What the hell? Ian!?” he heard it as Mickey opened the door, but he only fell forward, Mickey barley catching him. “Fucking hell, what are you doing?” Mickey said, holding him up. But Ian could not speak, his throat felt raw and his mouth felt dirty. His head hurt, his body was betraying him to stand up, and his face was a wet mess of tears and a runny nose. “I’m sorry” he crocked out as Mickey got him to a sitting position on the couch. He dropped his head into his hands as the tears kept falling, the taste of Peter and vomit still in his mouth. He tried to stand as he needed something to drink, but Mickey stopped him, “wow, wow, what the fuck is going on?” He said. “Need water” Ian said, the taste too much. And then there was a glass in his shaking hand, he brought it to his lips and drank it all, the coolness as soothing as it could be. “Ian” he heard after the water was gone. He gazed upward some to see Mickey staring at him, a terrible look on his face. But Ian could only say “Yes.” “Yes? What the hell man?” Mickey said, his eyes red, and _maybe_ watery. “I fucked up” Ian said, his crying no longer coming, but a sheer terrified and emptiness filling the panicked space that had just been there. “How? what you do?” Mickey said. “I-I- did something I didn’t want to, and now… I feel really messed up.” He said honestly, the situation almost a blur now. “You like fucking rob a bank or somthin?” Mickey said, sitting down on the couch as well. All Ian could say was say “no” and he was uncontrollably wrapping his arms around Mickey. He needed to be held by familiar arms, needed to be grounded, needed to smell and feel something so kind, so sweet, so familiar, and so Mickey.

He briefly remembered being lowered in Mickey’s bed and protesting when Mickey left for a short time, but then the dark-haired boy was back with a pot and glass of water. Ian drank it, slower with Mickey’s demanding. And then the lights where off and he was in his boxers under the soft sheets. “I’m sorry” He said again, but Mickey only said “shhhh” and brushed a hand through his hair. Ian mumbled something he didn’t even know what, and then the darkness of sleep was thankfully taking him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I do this to myself and you guys? IDK..Really sorry, it just happened.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love all your comments so much, I am so sorry for also hurting you with my story...Thank you for staying a part of it. We will get through this together!!! <3 <3

Ian blinked in the light coming through the slatted shades. His whole body felt stiff as he sat up, his hand going to his head as last night’s escapades where remembered. _Dumb, you are so fuckin stupid_ he thought to himself. He made his way into the bathroom, tuning on the shower, and making it under the warm water. “Oh good! You are up” A female voice said, Ian scowled and pulled back the curtain enough to see Mandy, Mickey’s sister. Ian had met her twice at this point, but she had moved a few hours away right before Ian had come to town. “Mandy?” He said, his voice horse. “The one and only” she said, handing him a towel as he turned off the water. “Why are you here?” He asked, noticing his red rimmed eyes, and the bags that were under them in the bathroom mirror. “To take care of you, stupid” Mandy said, “now get dressed and come eat something.” And with that she walked out of the bathroom.

Ian felt confused but followed her directions, _where is Mickey? Had what happened really happened? Did he really do all that?_ “Eggs, toast, lots of water” She said pushing the food in front of him. He was surprisingly hungry and scarfed it down. “Thanks” He said as he finished off the food. “Where is Mickey?” Mandy’s face got a bit more solemn than, but only for a second. “Out” was all she said, and that left Ian wanting more. _What else could he have said or ruined when he came home high and wrecked?_ He recalled Mickey making him lie down, and Ian clinging to him for dear life as he cried… And _that_ was probably enough to mess it all up even more. “I’m okay if you have shit to do” Ian said, now sipping on some tea, though truthfully the distraction was nice. He still felt dirty, lesser so after his bad trip had worn off, but the lasting wrongness of everything was still hanging over him. Mandy rolled her eyes and laughed. “I drove 3 hours to come spend the day with your ass, now we are hanging out and you are doing everything I say” She said standing up with purpose. Ian scowled, “you came all the way here for me?” Mandy bit her lip “Yeah…you had a rough night so Mickey didn’t want you to be alone today” she took a breath, “I don’t mind though.” Ian shook his head in understanding slowly. _Had he told Mickey what happened?_ Or was it just obvious that he would need a distraction today? “What he tell you?” Ian asked tentatively. “Mmm” Mandy started “you came home high and shit, crying about something you messed up” She said, though Ian felt like she was leaving something out. He nodded, “I’m sorry.” She gave him a small smile “We all have bad nights.”

They watched movies Mandy picked, and even walked down the street to get sandwiches. Ian kept wanting to ask when Mickey was getting back, but he was obviously avoiding him, _hell_ he had sent Mandy to take care of him today. And it’s not like Mickey had a 9 to 5 that would take up his day. But Ian didn’t ask, just hoping he would see the man later. They had been watching some romantic comedy Ian would care less about when Mandy spoke up for the first time in a while. “I need to ask something” She said, turning on the couch to face him. Ian frowned some, “okay?” Mandy visibly pondered her words. “And I should have said something before, but I can’t stop thinking about it.” Ian was confused, but he tired to just wait it out. “go ahead” he said. “Do you wanna like, go to the police or anything?” She said, clearly uncomfortable but also relived some. “What?” Ian said, he was confused, what did he need the police for? “You know” Mandy said, softening her voice “to report what happened.” Realization dawned on Ian than. He had not thought about it that way, he also had no idea how Mandy knew about the not-so-conceptual BJ had he given that he was just trying to forget. He figures he must have told Mickey in his fucked-up state, _great._ “I prompted it” Ian said, looking away from Mandy uncomfortably. “Mickey just said you where really upset that it happened, and that the whole time you just wanted to stop…so I just figured…” She trailed off than. Ian shifted uncomfortably, his throat was getting tight and he could feel the tears building up behind his eyes. _Had he really said all that to Mickey?_ But also, the look of Peter, the taste of him, it made Ian want to vomit just thinking about it… _was he? No._ ”I didn’t like it” Ian said, “but no need to call police or anything, it’s okay.” It was not okay, and Ian wanted to forget the whole thing, but at the same time he was so embarrassed, he had let it happen, he could have stopped it… “you know” Mandy started again, “I was taken advantage of like that before, you can never really forget it.” He could hear something in her voice change, _sadness?  fear?_ “I’m sorry” Ian said, and he really was. No one should have to go through that, but at the same time his situation was different than Mandy’s, he could have not gone along with it no matter how pissed Peter got… He could hold his own in a fight if need be, and the guy was clearly not as fit. “It was not like that” Ian said, and maybe he was just trying to convince himself. “It can be hard to accept.” Mandy said, looking directly at him now. Ian was about to protest again when he hurt the door open, he turned to see Mickey walking in. His heart both sored and fell at the sight.

Mickey didn’t even look at them as he made a B-line for his bedroom. “I’m gonna go talk to him” Ian said standing up. “He doesn’t want to see you, you know that” Mandy said, grabbing his hand. “Yeah, I know.” Ian said, but he needed to, he needed to try at least. “At least take him a beer” Mandy said, and Ian nodded, the suggestion a good one. He fished it out of the fridge and made his way to Mickey’s room, he didn’t even knock because he know Mickey would just lock the door, so he barged in. Mickey was in the middle of changing, only plaid boxers on. “What the fuck, you know how to knock” Mickey said turning and scowling at him. “Nothing I have not see” Ian said, taking a seat on the corner of the still un-made bed. Mickey huffed and pulled on a shirt and sweat pants than took the beer out if his hand. “What do you want Ian?” He said, leaning against his dresser; the comment seemed so, _tired?_ “I need to apologize, for everything” Ian said. “You said sorry about a hundred fuckin times last night, I think I get it” Mickey said. “And I don’t even remember half the shit I did once I was home” Ian said, grasping at straws. Mickey raised an eyebrow at him? “like what?” Ian gulped, his throat getting tighter again. “Like telling you-“ he could not say the name “-about the guy at the club” Mickey’s face got pale at that. “You don’t?” Mickey said. “Mandy had to tell me, and like” Ian rubbed a hand over his face “I know I should not have been doing drugs and all, but that shit was cut with something.” He had been thinking it, but was too afraid until now to actually consider that it was all so likely. “What did you think you where taking?” Mickey said than, taking a seat on the bed as well, but still a good distance away. “Coke” Ian said, not proud at all. Mickey nodded, “yeah, coke should have not done that, you where vomiting and seemed really out of it” Mickey said. He scooted closer than, blue eyes meeting green. “Was fuckin scary.” Ian could feel his eyes swell, and one hot tear run down his cheek. “I'm sorry you had to see me like that.” It was not the first time Ian had been supper fucked up, but also it was very different, he had never been taken advantage of while being messed up, whether from drugs or his own brain. “Yeah” Is all Mickey said, before the older man was leaning forward and wrapping his arms around Ian’s neck, pulling him into a tight hug. Ian hugged back immediately, taking in the comforting warmth of Mickey’s body pressed to his; silent tears fell down his face as the boys just held each other, not braking away until a knock came on the door. When Ian pulled back he could see that Mickey’s eyes where watery, but the brunette quickly wiped any tears away, gulped down half his beer and yelled “what?” Mandy opened the door, “was gonna order pizza, you guys hungry?” Ian could not help smiling a little bit. He knew Mandy was just doing it to save either of them in case this conversation was going terribly awry. “Yeah, be out in a minuet” Mickey said. Mandy nodded, looking back and forth between them before leaving and closing the door. “This does not mean I’m not pissed, or upset” Mickey said than, standing. “Okay” Ian said, standing too, “that’s fair” It seemed like it wasn’t, but Ian was not going to say that. Mickey was about open the door when Ian stopped him “I’m selfish, I know that.” Mickey turned, eyebrows knit together. “I’m a selfish asshole, it was how I was raised” he took in a breath, while also stepping closer to Mickey “but that’s not an excuse.” Mickey took a step closer to him as well “well fucking knock it off, my dad was a dick who beat the shit out of me, does that mean I’m gonna go around punching kids?” Mickey said, gritting his teeth. “I know its not an excuse” Ian repeated again. “Well prove to me you can be different, or just leave.” Mickey said, leaving the room than. Ian felt heavy, _how was he going to do that?_


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been working on a lot of fics at once, but here is an update, and a long one… I think there will be one chapter after this one, also didn’t do too much editing on this chapter, so sorry for that. Thank you to everyone who has been commenting, I know things are getting heated down there. Feel free to msg me on Tumblr if you just wanna chat or have questions/other things you wanna say to just me. Thanks for reading. I told ya stuff would pick up

“Ian can sleep with me so you can have his bed” Mickey said suddenly, surprising the shit out of both Ian, and apparently Mandy too by the way her jaw dropped. She was just setting a pillow onto the couch. “You sure?” Mandy asked, swaying slightly as she looked at her brother. Ian wanted to chime in, but he didn’t want Mickey to change his mind so he kept his mouth closed. “Yeah, its fine, you did me a big favor so the least I can do is give you a fuckin bed” Mickey said, shrugging and turning to head down the hall. Ian just stood there, unsure what he should do. They had just watched a movie in silence and eaten pizza for the past couple of hours, Mickey seemingly avoiding conversation with both of them to the best he could. All the while Ian was wracking his brain of how he could change himself, how he could prove to Mickey that he wanted him, really wanted him. Wanted to fall in love with him, eventually. Wanted to stay, and wanted to stop running and fucking up. He had come up with a few ideas, like for a start calling his family, letting them in on his new life, letting himself not be a stranger anyone. He was also quitting the club, that was a certainty. He thought about maybe just sitting down with Mickey, telling him his life story, why he left Chicago…But that didn’t seem like something he could do without breaking down, so he would have to come up with a better way to let his thoughts out, let his feelings fall into Mickey’s awaiting arms.

“You fuckin coming?” The words shot him out of his own thoughts as he continued to just stare at the couch Mandy would not be sleeping on. Ian turned, looking down the hall at Mickey staring at him. “Uh, yes” he said, willing his feet to move in that direction. “I can sleep on the couch” Ian commented as Mickey pulled a cigarette out and sat on the edge of his bed. Ian didn’t know why he said it, he wanted this, he really wanted this. To sleep in Mickey’s bed, to be close to him, but he felt like he should give Mickey an out, he knew the guy was pissed at him still, even if they had started to mend things. “Nah man” Mickey said leaning back to rest his head against a pillow, billowing smoke into the air around his head. It looked sexy to say the least. “Why?” Ian asked, very confused by the tern in Mickey’s attitude. “Cus-“ Mickey looked at him, blue eyes wide. “-I don’t fuckin know man” Ian watched as Mickey frowned pulling on his cigarette again. “You get under my fuckin skin and I can’t get enough.” The words where almost a mumble to Ian’s ears but he could not miss them. He swallowed hard, the words coming out before he could help it. “I’m sorry, im gonna fix this...be different.” The word ‘different’ seemed to hang in the air for a minuet, blue eyes looking into green. Ian wanted to do something, lean forward, kiss him maybe, but he was stuck in place, just looking for a confirmation that Mickey was going to let him try. “Mean it?” Mickey said, and Ian could see the worry, the lack of trust. He nodded slowly, it would be hard, but he had done harder things in life, he could manage this, _couldn’t he?_

Mickey took yet another drag of his smoke, and Ian just watched waiting for one of them to make a move, and apparently it was not going to be him because Mickey snuffed out his cigarette on the ashtray that stood on the nightstand and crawled towards where Ian sat on the corner of the bed. Ian went to say something, anything, maybe another sorry, but his words where cut off with Mickey slapping him right across the face, hard enough to leave a slight sting. “Wh-“ Ian started, anger coursing through him at the urge to punch Mickey back, but then Mickey grabbed a tight handful of his hair, pulling him into a hard kiss. Ian could not help but gasp into the older man’s mouth, letting Mickey take the lead as he was pulled back onto the bed, and flipped over, Mickey perched over his hips. Ian went to tangle a hand in Mickey’s hair, but was stopped, his hand being pushed back over his head by the wrist. Ian let it happen, let Mickey’s dom side come out like he knew the brunette was trying to do. Mickey attacked his mouth, and Ian was helpless to try and keep up with the hard licks, and nips, tongues sucking and twirling at each other. “Fuck” Mickey said braking away the kiss, one hand still holding Ian’s hand above his head. “Can I slap you again?” Mickey said more tentatively. Ian swallowed, the first one had come out of nowhere, and Ian knew Mickey was more one to ask before doing something rough, so it had taken him by surprise. But he also knew Mickey was pissed, and what better way to get out anger than a consensual slap? “Fuck me up” Ian said than, wanting it, wanting the unsure and unwanted thoughts to go away like he knew they would when Mickey took over. It was what he loved about the dom sub relationship, even if the in-between was complicated. He loved that when playing the sub roll he could just relax into whatever Mickey wanted to do to him, he would let his brain fog over with pleasure and pain, let his worries out the door to only focus on physical feelings.

 Mickey visibly sucked in a breath, then the back of his hand was connecting with Ian’s cheek, forcing his head to turn as the weight of it pushed him. Ian let a groan of pain leave his lips, the aria stinging. He brought his now free hand to gently touch it, the skin hot. “You okay?” Mickey asked, running a light finger over his now surly red cheek. “Yeah, fine” Ian said, because he was. “Fuckin hot” Mickey said before their lips where crashing together again in a heated, and what seemed like rushed kiss. Ian bucked his hips up some, earning him a tug at his hair, Mickey’s fingers digging into his scalp as their tongues continued to push at each other. Ian let out a moan when Mickey rocked his hips, the much-needed friction starting. Ian bucked up again, but then Mickey was pulling away from the kiss and Ian let out a disappointed sigh, he could keep kissing Mickey forever. “No fucking moving unless I tell you” Mickey said than, wrapping a hand around Ian’s throat, squeezing slightly. Ian swallowed, the fingers warm and strong. “Yes sir” He said, _knowing_ the name would drive Mickey crazy. Ian watched as Mickey bit his bottom lip, the hold on his throat tightening…and in that moment Ian knew even though he was being the sub, that he had a hold on Mickey, and all it would take is a moan. He smiled, and then Mickey was kissing him again, lips pressing together and teeth scraping messily. “Want you to suck me, think you can use that pretty mouth?” Mickey said, and Ian could not help the small whimper that left his lips, his head already foggy from the hand pressing into his throat.

Ian watched as Mickey sat up than, ripping off all his clothes and sitting back on his heels. “Take your clothes off and suck my cock, bitch” Mickey said, and Ian could not help the surge that went to his cock. He stripped off as fast as he could, crawling up to where Mickey was positioned. “Can I speak, sir?” Ian said, again using the pet name to his advantage. Mickey grunted a ‘yes’. His hand tugging again at Ian’s hair. Ian smiled, hunching down to press a kiss to the tip of Mickey’s outstretched and leaking cock, the dark-haired boy making a small moan at his advance. “Wanna make you feel so good” Ian said, taking the base of Mickey in his hand and wrapping his lips around the head. The last BJ Ian gave just the other day had been a nightmare, something Ian wanted to erase from his memory, _but this, this!_ Was something he wanted to commit to memory, every taste, every press of his tongue, every sound that Mickey made, and every twitch. Mickey grunted yet again, pushing Ian’s head so he would swallow the cock in his mouth further, but Mickey took it slow, pushing on the back of his head only for a moment before letting Ian catch up, then doing it again until he felt Mickey hit the back of his throat. Mickey than removed his hand, letting Ian come up for air, saliva stringing from his lips to the perfect cock in front of him. “love this cock” Ian said, licking a strip from the base to the tip. “Fuck” Mickey said, slapping his member against the cheek that still stung a little, but Ian didn’t mind. He stretched out his tongue than, letting Mickey slap his cock against it a couple of times before shoving it back into his mouth, gripping his hair and tugging as he simultaneously pushed Ian’s mouth down. Ian opened as much as he could, letting Mickey ease down his throat, fucking into his face. He gaged once as Mickey thrust in deep, his balls hitting Ian’s face. “You alright?” Mickey ask as he pulled out with the gag sounds Ian had just made. Ian looked up to see an almost worried look in Mickey’s blue eyes. “Yeah, love it” Ian said truthfully, the feeling of Mickey using his face something he would never get tired of. Mickey smiled than, placing a hand under his chin and bringing his face up to crash their lips together.

Ian moaned into the kiss, wanting to grab onto Mickey, but he controlled himself, keeping his hands at his sides. “Would it be too much to ask-” Mickey started breaking away, Ian looking into his eyes. “go ahead” Ian assured, licking his lips. He watched Mickey swallow, looking down for a second before making eye contact again. “I wanna top, but like, I know you don’t prefer that, and after what happened at the club.” Ian knew he was supposed to stay still, but he could not help it, he grabbed the back of Mickey’s neck, pressing their lips together in an opened mouthed moan. And as it seemed Mickey had forgotten that Ian was not supposed to move, reciprocating the kiss before pushing hard on Ian’s chest, causing him to collapse onto the bed. “You sure? We can stop at any time” Mickey said as he jerked his own dick a couple times. “Yes, want you to fuck me so good” Ian said, the words both because he meant it, and because it sounded good. He had bottomed with Mickey before, more times than he had with other man, and right now he knew Mickey wanted some control, so the least he could do was continue to let the brunette make him feel fucking amazing like he knew he could if he let himself relax into it. Mickey looked like he wanted to stay something, but stopped himself, grabbing Ian by both ankles and pulling him down the bed some before forcing his legs to the side and in the air. The whole movement knock the breath out of him, but he just went along with it, watching amazed as Mickey quickly grabbed some lube, squirting it over his fingers. “Want me to fuck you with my fingers first? Get you all stretched for my cock?” Mickey said as he trailed one of the lubed indexes over Ian’s balls and taint, the action causing him to shudder. Ian hummed, bringing his knees to his chest so Mickey could get better accesses. “Fucking beautiful” Mickey said, circling his hole with a finger, the warmth mixed with a little tension as he pushed it into him. Ian closed his eyes, letting his body get used to it before relaxing and letting the pleasure run through him. Mickey hummed, running his free hand up and down the back of Ian’s thigh soothingly as he slowly pushed his finger in and out.

It felt good if not reviling to bottom. Ian always was couscous at first, but after he relaxed into the touch it was all pleasure…especially with Mickey. Mickey could be rough, _sure_ but he knew how to make his partner comfortable, knew when to check in, if not doing it too often, and that always made Ian feel safe with him. Even now, when he knew Mickey was upset with him. Mickey was still being genital as he added another finger, then another. Taking all the time in the world to work Ian up perfectly and assure there would be no pain when he finally entered him. “M’good” Ian grunted as at this point Mickey was finger fucking him with three digests, a fast pace to add. “Flip the fuck over” Mickey instructed, and Ian did, getting on all fours. But than a hand was pressing hard at the middle of his back, while the other pulled one of his legs out from under him, causing him to fall to his stomach. “Just like that” Mickey said. Ian moaned into the pillow, knowing this was a good position. There as a bite to one of his ass cheeks that caused him to squeal. And then another come, and another, and then a slap. “Aoooh” Ian breathed, the slap hard, surly leaving a mark along with the teeth imprints. Although Mickey would have these hard times tonight, like the slaps and the bites he seemed to be conflicted because one second he would be digging nails into him, and the next he would be caressing and placing pecks to his skin. Ian didn’t know why Mickey was doing this, normally it was one or the other…and _really?_ Well he wanted to ask, wanted to tell Mickey to make up his mind, but he was not in the place to say anything, and he was also enjoying himself despite the fact that his cock was being neglected and pushed into the bed.

Ian heard the distinct sound of a condom being opened and rolled on, letting his face turn to the side as he felt Mickey line up. “Tell me if you want to slow down or anything” Mickey said, slowly pressing in as one hand rubbed calming circles to his lower back. It was all a lot, the mixture of hard and soft, the being filled, the being… _worshiped…loved…_

Ian closed his eyes as Mickey pressed into him and bottomed out, and suddenly a flood came over him, a flood of being close to Mickey like this, feeling perfectly safe in his arms, at peace. “Fuck” Ian breath as Mickey just stayed fully inside him, letting him get used to it. “Feel good?” Mickey asked, leaning forward to press his lips to the back of Ian’s neck, shivers running through him. Ian didn’t answer because he was sure he his voice would break. He felt like crying and was unsure if he would if he opened his mouth and spoke. A lot was running through him suddenly. The feeling of letting go, the feeling of giving in like this did. “Fuck” Ian said again because he didn’t know what to say. Mickey was opening him up not only physically but emotionally and it felt so good, so fucking good if not scary. _It was almost freeing._

“Ian?” Mickey said again, and Ian felt him pull out. “No” Ian said at the loss, suddenly feeling confused as to why Mickey had stopped, even though he did remember not answering his question. He wanted the feeling to continue. “No, it does not feel good? Or no you want me to keep going?” Mickey asked, his dick just resting comfortably against Ian’s crack. “Keep going” Ian said, pressing his face into the mattress to hide any tears that might force their way out. “I can do that.” And Ian could hear the smile in his voice, and then he was being filled again, the pressure amazing in every way.

As Mickey fucked into him, slow at first rocking his hips, then a faster pace as nails dug into his hip bones Ian let his mind drift to the feeling of Mickey brushing against his g-spot, the feeling of Mickey taking control, the feeling of Ian not having to worry about anything. The feeling of bliss and happiness. He thought he heard Mickey say something, but he was too busy moaning, tears falling into the sheets. “Ian, flip over” the words came again, but this time Ian only noticed them because Mickey stilled his hips. He didn’t want to flip over because his dom would see his face, and well he knew his eyes where red and wet. Ian grunted, “this position is good” he said, his voice quiet so hopefully Mickey could not hear anything broken in it. “Can you get off?” Mickey said, slowly moving some again. Ian had not really even thought about that. He had never come untouched and he didn’t think this was going to be the time, but he was enjoying himself to no end. He swallowed “no.” He had to be honest in this moment, _hell_ Mickey had reduced him into a crying, honest mess with his timed strokes, words of praise, and gentle yet firm hands and lips. “Then flip over so I can stroke you, I’m close” Mickey said, more like a fact than anything. Ian bit his lip and did, carefully moving so Mickey did not leave where he was seated inside of him. He watched Mickey smile, starting to thrust again, but than those blue eyes landed on his face, his eyes, and his thrust stopped completely. “No, no” Ian assured, knowing he looked like he had been crying. “Please keep going, I need you too.” Mickey looked unsure for a second than pulled out completely. “The fuck Ian?” He said, but it was soft, no punch. “Just been feeling a lot lately” Ian said wiping his face and sitting up some. “Good tears.” Mickey knit together his eyebrows looking him up and down. “I want you to make me cum, you feel so good, I promise its all good” Ian said, stroking his very hard dick to try and help show that he was indeed okay. And it was true. He was feeling overwhelmed and fucked open, but it was just what he needed, it was peaceful to focus on that, focus on Mickey making him feel.

Mickey let out a big sigh, looking him up and down again. “I don’t know If I can.” Ian swallowed, his tears not falling, but eyes still showing the reminisce. “I’m good, really Mick” Ian said, getting onto his knees to capture Mickey’s mouth with his own. They kissed for what seemed like a long time, all of it soft and needy, hands finding each other’s hard-ons. And in the moment Mickey must have decided that he could in fact not keep fucking him because he was stroking him quickly and with what felt like purpose. Ian moaned into his mouth and reciprocated the pace and pressure, his hand going up and down Mickey. “Oh! Gonna cum” Mickey moaned into his mouth, and Ian could feel his body shudder where it was press to his own. Ian continued his fast pace, taking Mickey’s bottom lip into his mouth as Mickey swore and convulsed, coming into Ian’s hand and between them. Ian loosened his grip and kissed at Mickey’s jaw as his orgasm passed, Mickey’s head falling to his shoulder as he panted, hand still on Ian’s cock. “Fuck, never knew a hand job could be that good” Mickey said with a little laugh, picking up his head so their eyes met. Ian smiled, kissing him again. They continued their make out session until Ian felt his own orgasm rose up, the heat and pleasure surging quickly as he moaned Mickey’s name and came onto the other man’s chest, his breath heavy on Mickey’s lips. Mickey continued to stroke him softly until the stimulation was too much and Ian had to stop him. “Too much” he said with a small smile, collapsing down on the bed, but grabbing at Mickey’s hip to pull him along. Mickey fall half on top of him with a little “humph.”

They laid in silence until their breath was completely even. “Sorry I was being all emotional and shit” Ian said, running a hand through Mickey’s damp hair. Mickey tuned to look up at him. “its okay, you have been through a lot and I was not too cool.” Ian placed a hand on his cheek. “You fucking took care of me all night, called Mandy, you did so much Mick” Ian said, knowing it was true but only really realizing it now. Since almost the time he got to this city Mickey has been the best person to him, and even in this small down, he was still the most amazing. “You have done so much for me, and I have done nothing back.” Ian said, pressing a gentle finger over Mickey’s kiss swollen bottom lip. “You have, without you my photos would have never taken off” Mickey said, eyes heavy “people love your ass.” It made Ian smile, and then Mickey was kissing him again. “And you know” Mickey said, blue eyes staring intensely at him “I love your ass too.” Ian nodded, he knew that. “I know.” Ian swallowed, he knew Mickey was not saying it so he would say it back, though a part of him knew the older boy wanted him to. “I will” Ian said, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I am falling for you, I just” Ian broke the eye contact, the words bubbling up, the truth coming in. “I am scared too.” And _there_ he was working on fulfilling his promise, his promise to open up, be who he was.

It clicked than, slowly, but it clicked. _This,_ fucking _this!_ Was how he would show Mickey, one word at a time, one confession at a time. He knew he was incapable of ripping off the band aid, but he could do this, in these times. The times he felt almost like Jell-O, the times he felt warm and comfortable in Mickey’s arms. The times he was at peace. He could be who he was, he could let Mickey in. “I’m scared to love you back” He said, eyes connecting. Mickey nodded, “it is scary.” Ian smiled a little at that. “I just, whenever I love something-” he took in a breath “-someone, it gets all fucked up.” That made him think about the last person he said the three words too. It had been years at this point, but even than the lasting imagine of his mother’s slit wrist could never really leave his brain. The lasting impact of finally letting his mom in, letting himself love her because for the first time he felt connected to a family member, but then she had left, after saying she wouldn’t even though he knew she would. She had loved him, _or maybe not._ “I’m sorry” Mickey said, resting their foreheads together. Ian took in a long sigh, breathing in the smell of Mickey. “Yeah, me too.”

They were quiet for another long while, Ian’s mind drifting over the events of tonight, how good Mickey made him feel, how safe, how free. “I left Chicago because sometimes I want to be a stranger” Ian said, the words coming out even though he was only thinking them. “Okay” Mickey said looking confused. “I’m saying it because” he kissed Mickey softly “because to love you would mean I am not a stranger anymore, it means everything is real, this is real, I’m not alone, I’m not a nobody.” Mickey wrapped his arms around him, a tight hug, a meaningful hug. “I want you to be my somebody” Mickey said softly, his hand on Ian’s still somewhat sensitive cheek. Ian could feel his eyes swelling again, but a smile brimmed his lips. “And I want to be your somebody.”

They kissed for another long time, all soft touches until Ian was practically falling asleep in Mickey’s arms…but than he did fall asleep in Mickey’s arms, all good dreams, all Mickey keeping him safe in his arms, all warmth, and yet again, all _love._  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second to last paragraph literally made me tear up as I read it over. "I want to be your somebody." GOD kill me with romance and cuteness.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end is just the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, really really sorry. I went through a terrible brake up and kinda lost the interesting in writing from that. But at least I finally wrote the last chapter for this. I hope you find some conclusion in it.

Ian stared down at his phone, a picture of his naked and spanked ass staring back at him. Lip, of all people had sent it to him via text message, a big “?” after the picture. So the gig is up, he thought looking at it. His family, well at least Lip knew what he was up to, knew where he was, had seen the pictures of him Mickey had taken. How, Ian didn’t know. He figured his brother had come across it via one of the articles that had now been written about him and Mickey on various gay fetish websites, but still, the feeling of being “outed” was strong, making his mind race with the reality of the situation. “You can do it, fucking call him” Mickey said next to him at the kitchen table, placing a warm and caring hand on his thigh. 

The past few weeks after their emotional make-up sex had been good if not more revealing. They had sat down, really sat down and talked. No sex, or drinking to sooth the initial awkwardness. But the results had been good, really good. They agreed that, yes they were exclusive, and yes, Ian did fucking love the amazing man he was living with. They talked about how Ian would eventually want to go back to Chicago, but that Mickey, with such a flexible job would be happy to go with him. But Ian had exclaimed how much he did love Austin, and that for the most part he could see himself here for a long time, a relief to the brunet he figured. 

Ian sighed again, biting his bottom lip with nervousness. “What am I even gonna say?” he said, shaking his head, and continuing to look at his own naked ass on the tiny phone screen. “I don’t know, that you are okay, happy, dating a fucking stud” Mickey said, his warm and sarcastic smile lifting the worry in Ian some. The redhead nodded, leaning over to kiss his boyfriend. He was so thankful for Mickey. And even more thankful for the opportunities and love he had and will hopefully continue to get from the man. The kiss was simple, and nothing special, but enough encouragement that Ian felt able to pick up the phone and hit the little “call” button next to Lips name. 

It rang a couple times before a familiar, yet somewhat farther away voice hit his ears. “Ian!” the voice said, a small laugh that was so Lip following the exclamation of his name. “Yeah, uh, its me.” Ian said back, his mind racing again now that he had heard his brothers voice. “What the fuck dude?” Lip said. “Your naked ass is all over the fucking internet, and I had to learn you where still fuckin alive from that, what the hell?” Ian ran a hand through his hair, taking a small breath and then taking Mickeys hand for confidence. “I know, I know.” He started. “I’m sorry, but I’m doing well, uh, happy and stuff.” Lip snorted on the other end. “Fiona is going to be pissed when she finds out you are showing off your cock in Texas for money.” “You have not told her?” Ian said with some surprise. He figured his whole family must know if Lip does. “Nah man, wanted to see if you would actually admit those freckled cheeks are yours first.” Ian felt a blush forming on his cheeks, his witty and patronizing banter with Lip quickly coming back as if he had never been away. “So, your admitting you like my ass? That’s fucked up.” A laugh came on the other end again, the familiar sound this time filling him with happiness rather than worry.  
He knew he missed his family, even if he had left, but hearing Lip, talking to him made the feeling set in even more. He shook his head. Mickey, work, a good life here. “You okay?” Lip said after a second; his tone more serious, but caring. Ian smiled small, tightening his grip on Mickey’s hand. “Yeah, happy. I really like doing the modeling, and uh, met a really good guy I have been living with.” There was a pause. “That’s good, we miss your crazy ass you know?” “I know” Ian said back “But I needed a little time.” He knew that was not a good excuse, as months with no contact was more than a little time, but in a way, it was true. He would just get so overwhelmed with everyone around him, everyone caring, everyone worrying about his mental health. And yet that also worried him now. After all people here in Austin, Mickey, was not a stranger anymore, someone who would worry, someone who cared. “You comin home anytime soon?” Lip said with the further silence. “Probably not” Ian said with some hesitation, because really, he didn’t want to go back to Chicago any time soon. “Okay” Lip said, and Ian thought he could senses the disappointment, but that he already knew that was going to be the answer. “I will try and keep in touch though.” Ian said, knowing all he really could do was try at this point; try to be a better brother, a better sibling, a better boyfriend, a better person. “Love you lil’ bro” Lip said. Ian nodded “love you too, talk to you soon, promise.” Though he didn’t really know if he could promise that. There was a silence and a click, and the call was over. Ian put the phone back on the wooden kitchen table, looking over at Mickey still sitting next to him. 

“Proud of you” Mickey said to him with a small smile, leaning in, as Ian did the same to hug his boyfriend, their arms wrapping around each other. “I love you” Ian said, leaning back just enough to give the most amazing man in his life a kiss. A kiss that represented all the words he could not say, all the words he wanted to say. “Love you too” Mickey said, running a hand soothingly through his red hair that needed to be washed. 

Ian knew this was only the start. The start of being “outed” the start of getting used to not being a stranger, the start of his new life. A life where he kept in touch with his family, a life where he worked hard doing something he loved, a life that Mickey was in, a life where he was happy and healthy and in love.


End file.
